Loving who you are is a concept that I struggle with more than anyone! Sometimes, the more we struggle, the faster we sink, because we feel as though our only hope is to take it all in our control, and once we do that, we're doomed! In the end, our deepest, greatest, most painful struggles ARE the EXACT thing that brings the most glory into our lives...the moments where we learn the most valuable lessons.
Lately, I have been learning a lot about what truly loving yourself looks like. With Valentine's Day passed (and not having a Valentine...haha), I decided to really dig deep into what love looks like towards me! A co-worker and dear friend said to me (in the midst of a conversation about Lent), "For lent, I am going to speak positively to myself. Instead of giving something up, I'm going to be more gracious with myself." I LOVE THAT! Since then, I have been trying to do the same!
A little background...I have been on this diet (and yes, it's a legit diet...not a healthy lifestyle! lol) and have been EXTREMELY frustrated with the lack of results, not to mention my hatred for food (which is never the case), and my lack of enjoyment for working out (which is also rare) and eating "clean" or healthy. If I got hungry, and ate a little extra food, I'd beat myself up for it. Granted, extra food consisted of salad! My relationship with food became unhealthy again, in the opposite way of what it used to be. I had a conversation with my mom, and she told me this..."Abby, you don't eat because your hungry; you eat because your palate is unsatisfied. You need to eat foods that you like, that taste good, and have a little "treat" everyday...not a cheat, but something that tastes good that you can look forward to, and you FEEL like you are having a cheat!" Chris (my trainer) also told me..."Eat what you want in moderation!" One of my managers said, "YOU HAVE TO HAVE A CHEAT!!!!! How have you not cheated since Christmas?!?" These several conversations had time to sink in, and here's what came out of it.
My mom was absolutely right...my palate was dissatisfied, and I hated and resented the fact that I "have" to eat clean. Not feeling motivated in training made me so angry, but it's because I felt like what I was doing inside and outside of training wasn't working. So what I did was added low calorie sauces into my diet...ketchup, salsa, honey mustard, etc, and it has transformed my life! No joke! That night, I had an all natural turkey burger, 1/4 avocado, and salsa! Felt like the greatest cheat meal of my life...AND I DIDN'T EVEN CHEAT!
I hated myself and couldn't find the motivation to keep myself going. How can you motivate someone you hate? Answer? YOU CAN'T. You CAN motivate and encourage and be gracious with someone you love, cherish, and admire. Similar to my last post about taking time to rest, loving yourself also means that you need to reward yourself with good-tasting food. Yes, reward yourself with food! Not to the point where you go crazy, but fit foods into your diet that you enjoy! My fitness pal has helped me keep track of my calories so I can stay under my calorie goal and still be in a deficit. Loving yourself means being gracious with yourself when you "lose control." But here's the thing...when you look forward to that little treat that you have at night (that fits into your eating for the day), it causes you to have greater control during the day, and when you do eat those foods, you don't feel like you need to go overboard (eating an entire jar of almond/peanut butter, eating an entire bar of chocolate, both of which I've done :)).
Allowing myself to love on me in this way has transformed my life! No joke! The next few days, I started losing the weight I was holding onto (being less stressed and enjoying life), my training felt like it got better...I was motivated again (because I was able to push myself internally and motivate the person I love), and I was happy! My attitude changed! A co-worker said to me, "This is NOT the same Abby I talked to a few days ago!"
In what ways are you hating yourself? In what ways are you punishing yourself (for unnecessary reasons) for not being the person you THINK you need to be (or who others want you to be)?
Saw a thing today that said, "Fat is not a feeling." Take a step back. Look at yourself objectively, and believe when those around you commend your hard work. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Shape yourself. BE yourself! Stopping where you are is only going to feed your fears. Hanging in there and pushing past your wall is what will make you successful!
What does is really mean to take care of yourself? Upon first thoughts, you might think some of the following:
Workout every day
Eat healthy
Take time for yourself
Do things you enjoy
Etc.
Those things are ways that we need to take care of ourselves. However, we often don't think of NOT doing something as taking care of ourselves. Sometimes, we overwhelm ourselves with the need to overwork in our rest. For example, I have to workout to be healthy. I have to eat healthy to be fit. I have to take time for myself and do what I want to do. Sometimes, we need to let things go instead of add things to our plate in order to truly take care of ourselves.
In my job as a trainer, I have burnt myself out trying to do more and do more to make ends meet financially. I talked with my parents, wrote out my schedule, and realized I was definitely overworked, so I am beginning to (slowly but surely) let things go. In the midst of this, I realized that other things needed to go...dreams, goals, things I was holding onto.
I found this thing on Pinterest (LOVE IT) that was 50 ways to help you lose 10 lbs (http://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/diets/simple-ways-lose-10-pounds) . I was interested to see what it had to say. I realized in little ways, I was neglecting myself. Some include the following:
Not drinking enough water
Not sleeping enough
Not meditating
Not being creative
Doing those things help you lose weight! When you meditate, your cortisol, or stress levels are lower, which help get rid of fat. High cortisol levels make you retain fat. Sleep helps your body rest. Having a creative outlet gives you satisfaction and that increases self-esteem, which causes you to not eat. It also occupies your time. The one that I loved the most was this one tip: "Fantasy binge. Before you dig in, visualize yourself eating a treat. Science suggests that those who do this mental exercise will eat less of what they first imagined."
It's a similar concept to sports psychology, or any form of psychology. When you visualize yourself doing something, or achieving something, you are more likely to succeed. When you fantasize yourself binging, you are LESS likely to do it. It really works! I tried it, and I was like, mmm I don't wanna eat all those calories! Haha. It gives you a satisfaction.
All this to also say, I began training for a powerlifting competition several months ago, and my back has been in a lot of pain lately. I have back problems, but in the beginning, I thought, "My back will be fine; I'm gonna do it and not worry about it and be AWESOME." As I started taking care of myself in these little ways within the past few weeks and listening to my body (and a conversation with my trainer), I began to look at things more objectively. My body was telling me, "Abby, I don't like this. I need to limit you!" It's like when you eat too much food and don't hold yourself accountable, you find that you've eaten more than you want, but when you step back and look at things objectively, you realize how much you actually ate. I needed to be put back in my place, look at things from an outside perspective, and realize that my body can't handle squatting a huge amount of weight...my knees, back, and shoulders don't like it! Many times, you need to step outside of yourself in order to go somewhere. I have decided not to compete, because my body doesn't like it!
In life, not only in fitness, our humanity often brings us back to what's important. In fitness for me, it's shown me that my goal of becoming really lean is what I want! That's going to keep me healthy for my entire life! That's going to keep me strong...mentally, physically, and emotionally. Spiritually, sometimes our greatest struggles and our deepest hurts are what bring us back to the essentials...God, love, family, friends, etc. We don't focus so much on the physical, and we can find what's really important to us (living by faith and not by sight). Emotionally, our deepest scars that haunt us day in and day out make us realize, regardless of how long or short it may take, that we need to be grateful for what we have NOW and that we are alive, rather than living in the past. When we come to the point where we feel life isn't worth living, we need someone to validate our existence, and it makes us realize that we truly are blessed.
When we take care of ourselves first, we are able to see life more objectively, and we are able to acknowledge our limitations, accept them, and move on to a greater thing...or back to the thing that we've always dreamed of!
I challenge you to take care of yourself in some way that you haven't done before, be objective, and see how the quality of your life improves!
This isn't easy...trust me! I still struggle with a lot! No one is perfect, but we are on a road TOGETHER and are being PERFECTED! We will never be perfect, so live life like today is your last day, and the finish line doesn't exist! Keep going, visualize your future, and never let go of your dreams just because it may take a while to get there!
DIG DEEPER; AIM HIGHER!
I only compete with myself. I only train for myself. I only strive to be better than myself. If others need to compete with you, that means you are a step ahead of the game and am doing something right. In addition, and on a somewhat related note, DON'T TRY TO BE someone else! You can revolve your entire life around trying to BE someone else, but when you find yourself, it's so much better than the carbon copy of that other person. Moral of the story is...BE YOU AND COMPETE WITH YOURSELF!
There comes a point in life when you become sick and tired of doing what you do for everyone else. Being fit to prove to someone else that you are not x, y, or z. We feel pressure to fit into a mold. That very thing that you want is unattainable, because you don't look like the person next to you. Your "dreams" cause you to be someone other than yourself, and that causes you to desire more strongly to stand out, set a new mold, yet you are always turned down.
In order to take charge of your life and do it for YOU, you must first love and respect yourself enough to see that change happen. Until your desire for you overpowers that desire to please someone else, you will always live a life of discontent.
When you love yourself, you take more joy in your progress along the journey and are CAPABLE of being more patient along the way. Instead of thinking, "Well, I still don't look as good as her/him," you think, "Shoot, I look good!" You take more pride and joy in how far you have come, rather than the fact that you're not where someone else wants you to be. Likewise, when you love yourself, people see that, and you attract people towards you...not necessarily the opposite sex, but people in general!
I have found that through my journey, I have been able to inspire people through just being ME! Doing what I do, and doing it the way I do it! My journey isn't going to look like yours, and that's ok! We have the power to inspire so many people, but the thing that inspires others is not our success. It's how we handle struggle, and failure. People admire someone who is determined, persistent, someone who doesn't settle, someone who desires to keep going. THAT'S what inspires people.
Instead of striving to look like that fitness model, strive to look like a better version of YOURSELF. Be determined, persistent, and unwilling to settle for the image that someone put before you. Set your own image! You will find that those dreams you THOUGHT you wanted are no longer important. You find yourself along the way, and who you have become is so much greater than who someone else wanted you to be! You are beautiful, and that is where we find true happiness. Cookie cutters only work with cookies! :) Sculpt your body! YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF THAT! Everything you need is inside of YOU, not someone else!
"Comparison is the thief of all joy."
"At any given moment, you have the power to say, 'This is not how the story is going to end.'"
"Difficult doesn't mean impossible. It simply means that you have to work hard!"
"Anyone can work hard & train hard when people are watching and pushing you!! It's what you do behind closed doors, when no one is watching, when there is no praise and no yes men around, no personal trainer! WHAT YOU DO ALONE IS WHAT DECIDES IF YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL & SURPASS YOUR GOALS!" - Christopher Power
Another year has passed...another thousand resolutions have been made. For most of the population, the resolution for 2013 is..."I want to get in shape!" We've all been there, we've all had it, so how is 2013 going to be different?
I've seen a lot of facebook posts that say, "2013 is MY year!" Ok. So how will you make sure that this is your year?
The definition of resolution is as follows: "a resolve or determination; the mental state or quality of being resolved or resolute; firmness of purpose" (dictionary.com). Key words...determination, mental state, FIRMNESS! This is so contrary to what happens when we make New Years Resolutions, right? There is no firmness or determination (maybe just in the first month)! Firmness implies being solid...unwavering. Why is it that our "resolutions" always waver? They always get thrown to the wind after the first 2 months of the new year.
A lot of times, we have big hopes and plans for ourselves. We set out to want BIG things, and that's ok! We need to dream big, but we also need to be realistic. I am the type of person who gets easily carried away...when I get excited about something or committed to something, I forget reality. That thing that I'm excited about becomes my world...my reality. When I'm brought down from that "high," I am still excited, but I see it within its limits.
The hard part is that all of these resolutions take work, accountability, sacrifice, HONESTY, humility, and GRACE! We need people around us to help us get through! If it wasn't for Chris (my trainer), I would have fallen off the band wagon like I did every other year. It's been almost a year to date since I started working with him (Team Hulk! :)), and that's what changed for me! Having him to push me again and again and again. If that's what you need, find a trainer! Find someone who will be able to remind you of all the reasons that you started (while you're in the middle of a slow, painful, but totally worth it death! :)) It takes sacrificing that cookie, or candy bar, or nap that you feel you need in that moment. It takes sacrificing your immediate desires, and getting that workout in...even if it's just 20 min that day. Give your 100%, whatever it looks like IN THAT MOMENT! It takes honesty. It's hard to face ourselves and say, "Today, this is how I feel, and I don't like feeling this way anymore!" Honesty also with other people! Which is where the humility comes in! It's hard to be honest and real with people when we mess up, regardless of what area of life it's in, but that's where the change comes and that's where we grow.
Most importantly, this journey of health and wellness takes grace! LOTS OF IT! It's easy to beat yourself up for the things you did, or didn't do, that day. We stress over them!
FYI: stress increases the cortisol levels in your body, and when you have high cortisol levels, you retain fat! It makes it 10x harder to lose weight! #mindblowingright?
So why stress over that extra serving of whatever you had! It's not a set back! It's your chance to face tomorrow with vengeance...to face your next meal with a positive attitude! You can never change the past, so don't try to make yourself feel guilty over something you ate (or that workout you missed), because it doesn't change anything...except hinders your results! TURST ME! I'VE BEEN THERE!!!!
So this year, let's REALLY make it different. Let's be determined, and be firm in our goals. Let's adopt the mentality of "I'll want this, and I will do WHATEVER IT TAKES!" For that is where change will come, and that is where YOU will stand out!
Here's a few resources that might help you (and has helped me) along this journey! There is a book called Made to Crave. It's about how to put down the candy bar and go for the almonds! It's about replacing our desire for food with greater things! (not just other food, but things in life that are more fulfilling!) SUCH a good book! I recommend doing it with a friend as well...hint hint...accountability. :) The book is by Lysa Terkeurst.
The other thing that I JUST discovered thanks to a friend is a phone app called myfitnessbuddy. You can go online and sign up on myfitnessbuddy.com and get the phone app. Daily, you can log your food, weight, set goals, etc. You can also create private groups so you and a friend (or lots of friends :)) can have private conversations about struggles, successes, etc! It's a great thing, and I'm super excited to use it myself! Great accountability tool as well!
So who's with me?! I'm continuing to grow in this process, and would love for you to join me! What choices will you make TODAY that will make TOMORROW DIFFERENT?
-Abby
